Ministry to crack down on Muggle potions sold on Knockturn Alley
14-04-2021
Oliver Lesgringer
Oliver Lesgringer
Dangerous Beasts and Muggle Affairs reporter
A Muggle craze was back in the news as the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office issued a warning for wizards to beware the fake flu cure being sold by unscrupulous traders on Knockturn Alley.
Much of the wizarding community will be aware that a mass flu epidemic is currently sweeping the Muggle world. The bat flu, originating from fruit bats or ascamages, and called 'Coronavirus' by Muggles, has to date infected over 55% of the Muggle population around the world and claimed the lives of over 4 million mostly elderly Muggles.
The Muggles are currently in the second year of fighting the bat flu, with many wearing masks and staying at home under lockdowns, out of fear of catching the flu, even though it is largely harmless for people in good health.
No Muggle measure has yet proved effective at containing bat flu, but the latest crackpot cure from Muggle scientists, a type of potion called a vaccine, has drawn the ire of Ministry officials after reports suggesting it could be bought in Diagon Alley.
According to reports the fake potion is being sold on the wizard street, especially in shady backstreets like Knockturn Alley, by those exploiting fears of a Muggle-origin pandemic.
Asked if the Muggle medicine was being sold by street peddlars and some apothecaries, Ministry officials gave conflicting and evasive answers. Said Achemaus Binks, of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, "Some miscreants have been caught selling Muggle vaccine or Muggle healing potion, claiming it combats bat flu among wizards. This is not true, and anyone coming across such snakeskin salesmen should report it at once to this Office."
However, Pidamus Meliflor of the Auror Office offered another reason for the newfound popularity of Muggle 'vaccines,' citing reports of dealers in dangerous potions trading in the plentiful Muggle vials.
"Our fear is that Dark Arts practitioners are selling the Muggle immune toxin as a way of boosting the sales of fake Dragonpox cures and other remedies," said the Auror, adding that this was his personal point of view rather than the official Ministry position.
Although bat flu has not affected the wizarding community, witches and wizards are understandably following news of its spread, and a number of unwary squibs and wizards have been admitted to St Mungo's after taking the Muggle medicine, complaining of stomach aches and dizziness.
"Some wizards have been experimenting with the Muggle cure for bat flu," admitted one Ministry official, "as travel in some Muggle areas requires a Vaccine certificate, but the side-effects have dissuaded others from taking the Muggle potion."
The Ministry has promised it will provide free and authentic-looking Vaccine passes to all wizards with business in the Muggle world.
Auror, Pidamus Meliflor, however insisted that this was not the main reason for reports of wizards taking the Muggle 'medicine'. According to Meliflor, unscrupulous potion sellers were touting the vaccine as a cure-all, even while "unsuspecting victims have proved vulnerable to all sorts of infections, especially dragonpox, leading to new business for these traders."
Evidence on the ground seems to back up the Auror department's claims. Said one Agatha Slattersby, 67, of Market Leaping, "I was sold one of these Muggle cures by an apothecary on Knockturn Alley, for my rheumatism you know, only requires one injection for a lasting cure, or so the packaging said (Muggles often inject potions directly into the blood for greater effect) but after a few days of taking it, I developed a fever, and then broke out in dragonpox! I was offered a new dragonpox cure for 5 Galleons but had to spend a whole week in St Mungo's when that didn't work either!"
Ministry officials have called on the wizarding public to remain vigilant when buying potions and report sales of all Muggle snakeskin cures, promising especially stiff fines for wizard apothecaries selling 'corona-enhancing vaccines and exotic Muggle medicine lines.'
A Ministry official pointed out that Muggle researchers have recently been re-testing the effectiveness of their 'vaccines', and have found that there is no protection between vaccinated and unvaccinated people, with both capable of catching and spreading bat flu.
A St Mungo's healer, Diomodus Rewlfrust, advised all wizards to "stay away from Muggle medicines" stressing, "Muggle medicine is taken only by the stupid, and often has the reverse effects of what it advertises."
In light of Muggle backtracking on the effectiveness of their latest bat flu vaccine, that might be sound advice! Stay away from Muggle remedies, folks!
A Muggle craze was back in the news as the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office issued a warning for wizards to beware the fake flu cure being sold by unscrupulous traders on Knockturn Alley.
Much of the wizarding community will be aware that a mass flu epidemic is currently sweeping the Muggle world. The bat flu, originating from fruit bats or ascamages, and called 'Coronavirus' by Muggles, has to date infected over 55% of the Muggle population around the world and claimed the lives of over 4 million mostly elderly Muggles.
The Muggles are currently in the second year of fighting the bat flu, with many wearing masks and staying at home under lockdowns, out of fear of catching the flu, even though it is largely harmless for people in good health.
No Muggle measure has yet proved effective at containing bat flu, but the latest crackpot cure from Muggle scientists, a type of potion called a vaccine, has drawn the ire of Ministry officials after reports suggesting it could be bought in Diagon Alley.
According to reports the fake potion is being sold on the wizard street, especially in shady backstreets like Knockturn Alley, by those exploiting fears of a Muggle-origin pandemic.
Asked if the Muggle medicine was being sold by street peddlars and some apothecaries, Ministry officials gave conflicting and evasive answers. Said Achemaus Binks, of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, "Some miscreants have been caught selling Muggle vaccine or Muggle healing potion, claiming it combats bat flu among wizards. This is not true, and anyone coming across such snakeskin salesmen should report it at once to this Office."
However, Pidamus Meliflor of the Auror Office offered another reason for the newfound popularity of Muggle 'vaccines,' citing reports of dealers in dangerous potions trading in the plentiful Muggle vials.
"Our fear is that Dark Arts practitioners are selling the Muggle immune toxin as a way of boosting the sales of fake Dragonpox cures and other remedies," said the Auror, adding that this was his personal point of view rather than the official Ministry position.
Although bat flu has not affected the wizarding community, witches and wizards are understandably following news of its spread, and a number of unwary squibs and wizards have been admitted to St Mungo's after taking the Muggle medicine, complaining of stomach aches and dizziness.
"Some wizards have been experimenting with the Muggle cure for bat flu," admitted one Ministry official, "as travel in some Muggle areas requires a Vaccine certificate, but the side-effects have dissuaded others from taking the Muggle potion."
The Ministry has promised it will provide free and authentic-looking Vaccine passes to all wizards with business in the Muggle world.
Auror, Pidamus Meliflor, however insisted that this was not the main reason for reports of wizards taking the Muggle 'medicine'. According to Meliflor, unscrupulous potion sellers were touting the vaccine as a cure-all, even while "unsuspecting victims have proved vulnerable to all sorts of infections, especially dragonpox, leading to new business for these traders."
Evidence on the ground seems to back up the Auror department's claims. Said one Agatha Slattersby, 67, of Market Leaping, "I was sold one of these Muggle cures by an apothecary on Knockturn Alley, for my rheumatism you know, only requires one injection for a lasting cure, or so the packaging said (Muggles often inject potions directly into the blood for greater effect) but after a few days of taking it, I developed a fever, and then broke out in dragonpox! I was offered a new dragonpox cure for 5 Galleons but had to spend a whole week in St Mungo's when that didn't work either!"
Ministry officials have called on the wizarding public to remain vigilant when buying potions and report sales of all Muggle snakeskin cures, promising especially stiff fines for wizard apothecaries selling 'corona-enhancing vaccines and exotic Muggle medicine lines.'
A Ministry official pointed out that Muggle researchers have recently been re-testing the effectiveness of their 'vaccines', and have found that there is no protection between vaccinated and unvaccinated people, with both capable of catching and spreading bat flu.
A St Mungo's healer, Diomodus Rewlfrust, advised all wizards to "stay away from Muggle medicines" stressing, "Muggle medicine is taken only by the stupid, and often has the reverse effects of what it advertises."
In light of Muggle backtracking on the effectiveness of their latest bat flu vaccine, that might be sound advice! Stay away from Muggle remedies, folks!