Sadly, the Daily Prophet doesn't carry any Muggle-related news, or commentary on Muggle affairs unless there is a wizarding angle ('Muggles spot dragon flying over town. Obliviators late on the scene. Ministry blamed for chaos' - that kind of thing). There could be a Muggle world war and the Daily Prophet would report that wizards were inconvenienced by changes in Muggle airplane overflights (which is how they reported the start of the Second World War). The pure-bloods would have a fit and likely choke on their cups of tea if they saw any Muggle news, so unsurprisingly the Daily Prophet, Witch Weekly and other wizarding papers don't cover that sort of thing.
But we thought it would be fun to pick up a few Quibbler articles. The Quibbler is known for its unique takes on just about anything. Their recent article on the Muggle pandemic as a Death Eater conspiracy, as well as today's priceless piece on the burned out cafe where JK Rowling is claimed to have written the Harry Potter stories are well worth a read. Here we have reproduced (with permission of course!) the latter story.
'Secret Society of Muggles opposed to Harry Potter sets fire to 'Rowling cafe'
EXCLUSIVE to The Quibbler
24-08-2021
Muggle news authorities are reporting that the cafe where the Muggle ghost author of the Harry Potter books allegedly dreamed up her tales, has gone up in flames. All due to an accidental fire in the bakery beneath it.
But The Quibbler can exclusively REVEAL that the fire was nothing other than the WORK of ARSONISTS linked to Dark Arts forces resisting the spread of the Harry Potter story among Muggles!
According to informed sources at the Department of Mysteries, some Muggles have realised the meaning of the FULL PROPHECY concerning the Chosen One, and are determined to prevent it coming about.
As readers will know from our previous exposés of the Prophecy by Sybill Trelawney, there was more to that prophecy than what was related by Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts at the time, to Harry Potter.
Indeed, the Prophecy as overheard by Unspeakables listening from the Department of Mysteries, also predicted the end of the Muggle world and the ascendancy of Wizardry!
Not surprisingly, the unwise decision of Harry Potter (real name, Amrar Ali-Khan) to allow a wandless Muggle-born, Joanne Kathleen Rowling to publish his story in 1997 (with the names and dates changed), two years after he left Hogwarts in 1995, alerted some Muggles among their more organised sectors that there really was a Harry Potter, and by extension a Wizarding World!
Indeed Ministry Aurors have been HEARD to complain that half their time is taken up these days firefighting the rumours of Harry Potter among the Muggle secret services. The Ministry has NOT DENIED reports of those activities by Obliviators in The Quibbler! See Issue 516, page 12.
With the Muggle world beguiled and perplexed by the Harry Potter books put out by JK Rowling (the Muggles think it is a realistic fantasy rather than the truth), elements of the Dark Arts have begun to prey upon the Muggle understanding of the story.
The Christian PRIESTS have been burning the books, and their Chief Witch Hunter and Exorcist was quoted as saying that the face of the Devil was behind Harry Potter! The last Pope was FORCED TO RESIGN by Ministry of Magic pressure, after he claimed that the Harry Potter books corrupted the soul of Christian children!
Rowling herself has received DEATH THREATS and a whole CANCEL CULTURE, spawned by the Dark Arts of Muggles who oppose the Prophecy, has been built up in the last 10 years to get rid of JK Rowling's influence and the Harry Potter books!
Now, The Quibbler's sources can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that the fire at the Elephant cafe in Edinburgh was a CONSPIRACY by mad Muggles to erase the CULTURAL hold of the wizarding Harry Potter story!
An Unspeakable who cannot be named, claimed that acts of 'RESISTANCE' against the perceived intrusion of the Wizarding World were increasing.
"Beyond the obvious threats to Rowling, we see all sorts of acts, from boycotts of the Harry Potter books to organised defamatory campaigns among Muggles, to secret societies that are predicting WORLD WAR 4 between Muggles and the 'controlling wizards.'
"The activity is increasing all the time, with more Muggles convinced that a secret Magical Community exists. The Obliviators are being kept busy, but there is no guarantee that they are finding everyone. Some of these secret societies have mastered non-verbal communication, and their members do not speak of their missions and even convictions out loud, not even to close friends or family members."
Clear evidence of the RISING Muggle threat from sectors that have been alerted to the wizarding community by JK Rowling's books!
More on this story later...'