20 jokes that show muggles are MUGGLES



1. Why did Petunia think Dudley needed feeding up at school when he was already obese?

Because clever muggles are fat brains


2. Why are the Dursleys called Dursleys?

Duh, easy one.


3. Why is Dudley called...

...never mind, you got that already...


4. How many muggles think they can go to Hogwarts even though it expressly says, wizards only?

All.


5. Hagrid refuses to give Malfoy lines for detention, and says he will do something useful or be thrown out of Hogwarts. Why?

Because repeating something endlessly is a muggle learning trick


6. Why did Dolores Umbridge make Harry write muggle lines in his own blood?

Because they were life (death) lines to boredom in muggle education


7. Dumbledore was the defender of protestant muggles, who wear dog collars. Who was his best friend?

Dogbreath


8. What was muggle defender Dumbledore's biggest crime?

Killing a little girl


9. Voldemort's muggle name was Tom Riddle, but he didn't like it. Why?

Because his muggle parentage made him a mystery, and confused like a muggle


10. Why do wizards not understand muggle dress?

Because clothes set house-elves free


11. How many muggles does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows, because they're still figuring out how to do it


12. How do muggles actually change a light bulb?

By ringing the number for British Lighting (BL) who replace the light socket


13. Why does Aunt Marge eat so much fried food?

Because her bulldogs take a lot of looking after


14. Which autobiography by a former US First Lady, is the muggle favourite? And why?

Becoming. The title means she was still becoming - a curious claim for a married First Lady. Maybe she meant she was coming or still forming as a person... some say she wrote it to cover up the intended title of her husband's memoirs


15. Which autobiography by a black President failed to rack up Harry Potter level sales? And why?

Promised Land. People didn't know if he was going or where he meant to stash his hoard


16. Why did the Dursleys in the 2007 book trust a black wizard, Kingsley Shacklebolt, over the other white wizards?

Because he had mastered the ability to speak and dress like a muggle


17. Why did the muggles put Harry into the frightening dark, spider filled space of the cupboard under the stairs?

So, they could put all their fears together



18. What is the muggles' favourite holiday destination?

My-Yorker


19. Why do so many muggles think they will end up in Hufflepuff house?

They imagine the house is for losers like them (it actually means a house that has extra energy or motivation, huff-puff, ie whose members carry an additional burden of development, so they tend to be serious types of wizards)


20. Why can't a muggle see the pub called the Leaky Cauldron?

Because they think it is too holey